Coming to terms with my sexuality wasn’t the easiest thing in the world. My parents weren’t particularly against gay people but they weren’t exactly supporters… the same went for the rest of my family. I didn’t really know any other lesbians, but I had lots of gay male friends who say they always knew I was gay. It was a confusing time for me because in my head I had the stereotypical idea of a beautiful wedding and taking a handsome man’s name, but then I developed crushes on girls and not guys. I had ‘boyfriends’ who would take me on dates and I would tell them I loved them, but I never really did.
I started to come to terms with my sexuality when I began to fall for my best friend, luckily for me, she began to fall for me too. Neither of us identified as gay at that point, but we knew our feelings and we soon became a couple… in secret. It was really hard to keep it secret because we were terrified what our friendship group would think and we were terrified what our parents would think. Soon my parents sat me down and questioned me about it and I owned up. My parents hit the roof and could barely speak to me all weekend, it was genuinely heartbreaking. After that, I was scared of telling my parents that I was in love with this girl, so I kept it secret and told my parents we had split up. We stayed together for a few more months secretly before deciding we had to tell my parents, so I wrote a letter and packed my bags and left.
It was a surreal day because it didn’t feel real at all, and it only hit home when I moved my things into my girlfriends house. It was scary and the contact I had with my parents wasn’t exactly positive. They were angry with me because I had lied, not because I was gay. They also found my letter very hurtful, it’s important to remember that letters don’t always express emotion the way a conversation would. After a few days I went home and spoke to them about everything. It took a few months to get back to normal but they accepted my girlfriend and I. Unfortunately my girlfriend and I split up, but I couldn’t have gone through all of that without her.
At the time of coming out, I felt very alone and found it very hard to come to terms with everything. What surprised me however, is how well my friends and everyone at school took it. I decided I was going to tell everyone on the last day of sixth form, but they all told me they already knew I was gay and they were happy for me! I never experienced any homophobia, but I know that many other lesbians that do. It’s important to remember that family members and friends will always come round to whatever you are because they love you, if they don’t come around then you probably don’t want someone like that in your life.
Anon, 18, Hertfordshire