As a gay female, I have found that people don’t know what to say to you when your relationship ends. People don’t say the cliche ‘there are plenty more fish in the sea’ because sometimes you quite literally are the only gay in the village.
A little bit of background about myself – I had been with a girl, who was my first girlfriend and I honestly thought that we would be together forever, the same way most young LGBT+ people feel when they are in a loving relationship. Its nice to feel finally accepted by someone and loved for it unconditionally. When that relationship was taken away it left me broken.
Many of my LGBT+ friends have experienced this too and found that their parents or straight friends aren’t sure how to comfort them because they feel like an LGBT+ relationship is somehow different to a heterosexual relationship. The truth is that us LGBT+ young people go through the exact same heart break as any other person.
In my experience there are four main stages to a heart break, let me talk you through them:
The first stage – confusion. Questions flood your mind, such as, what did I do wrong? Can we fix this? Is this something that I caused? Some of these questions you can answer and you will have to answer, but some of them are questions that you will never know the answer to.
The second stage – anger. This is my favourite stage because I felt invincible for a while. It is extremely important to realise that you aren’t invincible and that things that you do while you are angry WILL have consequences. If someone has hurt you, it is never worth hurting them back. Although you may feel better immediately afterwards, it is something that you will regret in the future.
The third stage – obsession. You will replay whatever has happened over and over in your mind, in my experience I couldn’t sleep, eat or think straight (pun unintended). This is the phase where your friends and family will most likely tell you to get a grip – trust me when I say that you do need to get a grip. There is nothing to gain from obsessing over something that has happened – it will just make you ill.
The fourth stage – accepting. This is the part where you can rationalise what has happened, you may still feel hurt and confused, but you can accept what has happened. You may decide that you want to make your relationship work, or you may be like me and decide that you deserve better. Whatever you decide, it is always worth trying to make peace with that person. Be the bigger person and you will become stronger for it (even though you feel extremely weak at the time).
Once you get through these four stages, you seem to be back to normal. At the beginning of a heartbreak its hard to ever imagine that things will ever be the same again, but things do get better! You will always meet someone else, or you may even be able to resolve the cause of the heartbreak. But you will end up in a good place eventually and you will be able to learn from the experience you went through.
Take it from a formerly heartbroken lesbian – things DO get better and your heart will mend, it will just take time.
Anon, teen, Herts